By Alma Gill, NNPA News

Dear Alma,

My Dad and my

Stepmom have been

together for over

20 years. They both

have and always

did drink way too

much. I’d even say

both are alcoholics.

Recently my Dad

was hospitalized and

obviously told he has

to stop drinking. My

Stepmom says that’s his problem,

not hers. How do I get her to see

what she’s doing is wrong and how

can I stop her from drinking in

front of my Dad? My Dad won’t stop

drinking if she keeps providing it.

C.K., Alexandria, Va.

Dear C.K.:

This is a tough situation and I

sympathize with the position you’re

in. That still, however, doesn’t

remove the fact that your Dad has

an addiction that he’s “large and in-

charge” of. Let’s pause here and

give you a minute to understand and

resonate, this is your Dad’s burden to

bear.

Allow me a minute and address the

consideration and compassion this

deserves. I say this as respectfully

as I can muster – you can’t give up

crack living next door to the crack

house. You feel me? Offer your Dad

resources to finding a local Alcoholics

Anonymous meeting. He has to take

the first step. Once associated, I’m

sure they’ll direct him on what his

next step should be. Remind your

father that facing his addiction is a

sign of strength. Let him know you’ll

support him unconditionally. After

taking hold of his responsibility, your

Dad will decide what to do about your

stepmom. That, too, is his choice not

yours. I’ll be praying for your Dad,

you and your family.

Dear Alma,

Around six months ago, I started

to see clues that something was going

on with my husband. I started going

through his wallet and cell phone

because I thought

he was having an

affair. I was right. I

almost fainted when I

found a phone in the

trunk of the car with

pictures of him and

another woman. All

of the calls were to the

same number, which

made me believe it

was her number. I hit

the button and she

answered the phone.

When she said hello,

I hung up. I put the

phone back and didn’t

tell him. I love him and am trying

to keep my marriage. He hasn’t said

anything about my phone call. Do

you think I should mention it? My

ego is just about gone and all I want

to do is stay in bed. I wish I had not

looked in the trunk. I do not know

if I should stay or go or why I’m

confused on what to do.

Name withheld, Durham, N.C.

Dear Reader,

You’re not confused sweetheart,

you’re heartbroken. You’re dejected,

sad and depressed. Your husband is

having an affair and you don’t want

to confront him because you’re

scared he might leave you. Let that

truth simmer for a minute, then drop

it. If not addressing it is an option,

learn to live with it. My question to

you is, why did you go searching

for what you weren’t ready to find?

Should you mention it, you asked.

Really? If you need me to answer you

Sweetie, continue to entertain that

rubber ducky in your dirty bath water.

Email me back when you’re ready to

pull the plug and do something about

it. Let me know when you’re ready

to clean up your mess, redress your

problems and restore your self-worth.

That’s when I’ll have amazing, life

affirming advice to share. Honestly,

if I took the time to answer you, you

wouldn’t hear me. Cause truth-be-

told, right now, on this day, you love

him more than you love yourself.

(Alma Gill’s newsroom experience

spans more than 25 years. Email

questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.

com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask

Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.)