Save the dates were sent, photos were taken, vendors were booked, wedding countdowns began and then the coronavirus hit.

The COVID-19 has disrupted daily life around the world and there’s no clear answers to what the future may bring. Now couples engaged to be married in the coming year, such as my fiancé and I, are faced with decisions regarding whether it’s best to postpone, cancel, continue or adjust plans for the special day.

As of March 15, 2020, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has recommended the cancellation of large gatherings, including weddings, for eight weeks. While unfortunate, this means that weddings are out until mid-May, or possibly longer.

There were approximately 23,000 weddings scheduled to have taken place in the United States this past weekend, according to the Knot, a popular wedding-planning website.

Weddings represent the antithesis of social distancing. They’re gatherings of intimate friends and mysterious personages, many of whom arrive via a complex network of travel options.

Jonathan and Tsciena Barnes were set to re-say their vows on March 21 in St. Augustine, Florida, a small tourist city on the Atlantic coast about 40 minutes from Jacksonville.

“We weren’t as upset about having to postpone our wedding because we got married legally May 18, 2019,” said Jonathan. “It was a small ceremony with our immediate family in St Augustine, Florida and afterwards we went on our honeymoon.”

Their plan to return to St. Augustine for a more formal ceremony was hijacked by virus concerns.

They, like other engaged couples, were stuck in limbo, planning as if the wedding was still on while following the coronavirus news and realizing the chances of it happening — at least in the way they imagined — were getting slimmer.

“We decided to postpone on March 16, the Monday before our wedding,” said Tsciena. “Guidelines were issued on that day, requesting the public’s compliance with limiting mass gatherings to no more than 10 people.”

Jonathan said, “We had a lot of family and friends traveling as well as elderly guests and we believed that postponing was our only option to not expose our loved ones to the virus.

“We started by calling the venue first, then our wedding coordinator, guests and then the other vendors to fill them in on our decision. The process was pretty easy. Every one of them were understanding and accommodating.”

Tsciena added, “Having to postpone the wedding after a year’s worth of anticipation and planning wasn’t ideal, but the situation was beyond our control and ultimately the health and safety of our friends and family come first.

“We’re grateful that our vendors have been flexible and our loved ones are still excited to celebrate with us at a later date.”

It’s not just guests and couples who are feeling the effects of the pandemic. The coronavirus outbreak, like it has in other sections of the economy, is expected to have a profound impact on the $100-billion-a-year wedding industry.

“The wedding industry is obviously enormous,” said Kristen Maxwell Cooper, editor-in-chief at the Knot. “There’re about 1.8 million weddings that happen every year. So that’s a ton of money. A ton of people that are impacted by this.”

When I reached out to wedding planner and event designer Delyrria Franklin, she didn’t have very long to chat. She was busy on the phone with couples and their vendors about the status of their upcoming nuptials.

It’s a scene that’s increasingly playing out for vendors as couples rearrange wedding plans amid fears over COVID-19 and travel restrictions.

“I’ve had to completely postpone weddings and/or work with couples to determine how to still have their wedding within the restrictions of the pandemic,” said Franklin. “It’s difficult to reschedule an entire wedding within a week and then have to make sure all vendors are available on a later date.”

Franklin understands that an upcoming wedding in “an emotional” time for couples.

“I remind them that they are still on a journey to become one, it may just look a little different than what they originally planned or it may have to happen at a later date.

“I also ensure them that as their wedding planner, I am with them every step of the way and that the changes we’re making are for the health interests of everyone.”

Nakeisha Green, a local florist and owner of Petals Studio, prides herself on her custom wedding flower bouquets.

Aside from weddings — the early spring season is huge for florists — and leads into Easter and proms.

“We are working from a proactive standpoint, trying to reschedule our affected events as quickly as possible so we can start the process of transitioning plans and vendors to a new date.

“Once the new date is locked in, we can go back to a state of normalcy with planning,” Green said. “We really want to give our clients a sense of calm as quickly as possible to help restrict the negative emotional impact of the virus as much as we can.”

She added, “The upside of this is I have some time to play catch up — check inventory, update my website and restructure the in-house business.”

As I scrolled through my Instagram timeline, I came across a flier postponing the wedding of my friends Savannah Clay and Cullen Johnson.

They were initially getting married in June, but decided to postpone on March 21.

“We realized that the situation was becoming worse and we didn’t want to put our loved ones at risk,” said Johnson. “We prayed about it and listed the pros and cons and eventually made the decision from there.”

Clay said, “Even though this wasn’t our original plan we are trusting God for what he has in store.”

My son is kicking my a$$. And it’s not even close.

He’s 2, bursting with energy. I’m . . . okay, fine, I’m eligible for AARP. It’s not a fair fight.

This was a manageable problem just a few months ago, when, y’know, I had a place to go during the day. What’s the word we used to use for it . . . WORK! Right! And the dynamo I lovingly call EJ was spending the majority of his day at daycare.

Well, neither of those things are true now, for reasons we all know too well. Every single day now, I’m facing the perfect storm: Virtually uninterrupted time with an uncommonly muscular and insistent toddler who has discovered the word “no” – and likes to shout it at me at bedtime while physically keeping me from leaving the room.

Like I said, I’m getting my A$$ kicked.

I suppose it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one. Last night, after I finally getting the boy off to sleepy land, I was watching Stephen Colbert videoconference with Chance The Rapper. Colbert asked Chance who was winning, “Team Adults” (Chance and his wife, Kristen) or “Team Kids.”

“It’s like a full-on, one-on-one or two-on-one . . . all the time,” Chance said. “They are beating us up.”

“I’ve said before,” Colbert chuckled, “they’re small but relentless opponents . . .”

I glanced over at Ester to give her a knowing look, like “Baby, somebody gets it.” But when I looked over, she’s sitting motionless, her eyes closed, possibly snoring. Dead to the world.

I get that too.

It takes me back to my own childhood, back in Holly Springs, Mississippi. Me and the Maxwell brothers, Leroy and David, would be outside shooting hoops in the driveway. Leroy and I were 10; David was seven. My dad? AARP-Eligible and with a mini-keg instead of six-pack in the midsection.

Anyway, my dad knew he’d never compete with us trying to run around with a bunch of fifth-graders. Or, at least that’s what I told myself up until my 50th birthday. Now, I realize the truth: He was just tired. Pretty much all the time. But he played with us anyway.

So instead, he’d post me and the guys up – ain’t no way a skinny 10-year-old gonna push his big ol’ backside off of the block. And as a true student of the game, he’d back us all the way down and hit us with that Kareem-style skyhook. Over and over and over again.

Yet again, my father teaches me lessons in new and unexpected ways. He used his brain to win – even as his body was telling him to go somewhere and sit down.

Likewise, if I am to defeat my child – that is, get him to go to bed at a reasonable hour without too much fuss – I can’t play him straight up. I need a strategy.

Bottom line is, I gotta wear his little behind out. I ain’t talking about hitting him; I’m talking about burning all that energy up. Oh, I should mention that he broke his addiction to midday naps some time ago.

And I gotta be patient with him at the same time. After all, he’s just a 2-year-old bundle of energy just doing what 2-year-olds do.

If I get upset at him for acting like he’s a toddler when he actually is a toddler . . . like I said, patience.

Thus, my quest to get EJ to bed by 8:30 p.m. starts at about 11 a.m. By that point, he’s had breakfast, he’s watched Morphle on YouTube Kids. “Let’s go for a walk, son,” I tease. “Wanna go outside?”

We put on his shoes. In my head, I’ve already mapped out a route that keeps us socially distant and off of main roads with traffic. Lately, I’ve added a street to the route with a very gradual uphill incline. Walking uphill = burning energy.

I simultaneously groan and cheer when he snatches my finger and starts running us both down the sidewalk. Groan, because my knees sound like popcorn sometimes. But cheer, because burning energy!

If I’m lucky, sometimes, I’ll get a chance to lock myself in the home office/studio and focus my brain for a few on work. The reality is, my eyes glaze over as I just try to catch my breath. And it’s always short-lived.

Large chunks of the day are spent with me trying to move my legs with a 35-pound weight attached to my pants leg. Or, he gets clingy and wants to climb up on my shoulder – climbing on my back and neck to keep me from putting him down.

He doesn’t play fair either. I know he’s too young to understand what he’s doing when he charges at me, headbutting me in ways that pretty much ensure I won’t be giving him a sibling. Fellas, feel my pain.

By dinner time, I’m trying to put him in a food coma of sorts, trying to feed him something that’ll accelerate the drowsy. But the boy is mostly a vegetarian, unhampered by metabolism-slowing animal protein. But at least I’m in the homestretch. One more energy burn, bath time and then hopefully, rest for the weary.

But I’m tired, don’t feel like running after this boy. I decide instead to tickle and rassle (that would be “wrestling” to the uneducated) him, noticing he’s just flailing his legs up in the air like he’s riding a bicycle – looks like burning energy to me.

I’m listening for heavy breathing. I’m watching for the eye rub and the yawn. I cross my fingers.

Bath time. Bedtime with a book. It’s not always smooth, but we get there. He settles down and eventually drifts off. Time: 9 p.m. Baba wins the day, but it’s a fleeting victory – after all, the boy will be recharged and ready to wear me down once more when the sun rises.

Don’t mistake all of this as me complaining. Mostly, I just didn’t want to write another somber story about these times we’re living in. Besides these are the moments that make up the memories we cherish about our kids later in life – you know, the ones we’ll use to embarrass them in front of their friends when they’re older.

I’m blessed to be EJ’s dad, and blessed to have these days to spend time with him.

I just wish I was blessed with the energy to keep up with him, too.

by John Burl Smith —

(The day – April 4, 1968 – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. died in Memphis was Maya Angelou’s 40th birthday. That intersection was observed recently by social change advocate John Burl Smith, a former Memphis Invader, as he reflected on the 52nd commemoration of Dr. King’s assassination. He and fellow Memphis Invaders met with Dr. King a few hours before he was killed. In his forthcoming book, “The 400th” (1619-2019) From Slavery to Hip Hop),” Smith salutes Angelou – poet, singer, memoirist and civil rights activist – with this chapter (edited for presentation here) titled “Commemorating Another Who Has Passed On.”)

Though not planned in the way this narrative developed, yet I reach the end on another icon that is no longer with us. Marguerite Annie Johnson (4-4-1928/5-28-2014) is better known to her adoring and admiring fans as Maya Angelou. …

(H)er life was filled with far too many accomplishments to try and detail them here. … Mrs. Angelou enjoyed a beautiful life that included becoming a journalist in Egypt and Ghana, during the decolonization of Africa. She directed, as well as produced plays, movies, and public television programs in the late 1960s.

Then there is Broadway and her fight for human rights. Mrs. Angelou met novelist John O. Killens in 1959 and he convinced her to move to New York City, where she could concentrate and fully develop as a writer.

She joined the Harlem Writers Guild, where she met and worked with several major African American authors….In 1960, she met civil rights leader Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., and she and Killens organized the legendary “Cabaret for Freedom” to benefit the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). Later, she was named SCLC Northern Coordinator.

While in Accra, Ghana, she became close friends with Malcolm X, during his visit in the early 1960s. When Mrs. Angelou returned to the US, she worked with Malcolm, as he began building his Black Nationalist organization, the Organization of Afro-American Unity (OAU), just before he was assassinated.

Mrs. Angelou received dozens of awards and more than 50 honorary degrees before reaching the 1990s, where she, in 1993, recited her poem “On the Pulse of Morning” at Bill Clinton’s presidential inauguration. US President Barack Obama presented the Presidential Medal of Freedom (2011) to Mrs. Angelou.

Reading all her honors, one might think Mrs. Angelou lived a life of ease and gaiety however, that was definitely not the case. According to Mrs. Angelou, “I had many hard struggles, but that is life struggle.”

I first met Mrs. Angelou through “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” (1969). I read that biography while in jail in 1971. I learned, as with so many black men and women detailed here, she was abused during childhood by her mother’s boyfriend. When she told her uncles, unlike many other abusers, later, the culprit was found dead. The rumor was the culprit had been kicked to death.

The boomerang for Maya was she became so frightened by the power of her words, at age eight; she became mute, refusing to speak for the next five years.

Again, like many other black children, including this writer, a concerned teacher found a way to draw her out of her closed off world. However, Mrs. Angelou’s influence did not end with her passing, the impact of her words continue reaching out from the grave, like a healing balm, to inspire today.

Consider this. I received a post on Facebook that illustrates her truly amazing power. The clip was posted by L. BrooklynPhenix Smith from Great Britain. While showing Meghan Markle’s courage facing her latest travails, including the backstabbing from the so-called British “royal circle,” the post featured Mrs. Angelou reciting her iconic poem “And still I Rise” (1978).

Brilliantly produced, the clip showed Mrs. Angelou giving a live performance interspaced with video clips of Meghan Markle, poised as always, going about her life with Harry and their baby. The post was accompanied by a Youtube.com piece entitled, “The Story about Maya Angelou that you have never heard in her own words!”

Mrs. Angelou’s message is not just for Meghan, but for all black women. Mrs. Angelou made the point in her poem and the video that, if you are a black woman and though you may be hated, verbally abused, attacked unjustly, ostracized and lynched upon the scaffold of ridicule, you should never feel alone or shame, because that has always been the lot of black women.

Black women can never afford to show weakness or to be fragile in the face of such assaults from those bent on their destruction. You must stand tall as a proud vessel of life. It is your beauty that drives those jealous of your femininity and womanly powers and strength that defies incredible odds to gain victory.

Mrs. Angelou’s clarion call is to stand forth when haters try to push you down, and even when they manage to cover you with their lies and plots, still as a black woman, you must rise!!!

That is the demand before all enslaved Africans descendants, women, and men. We must always reach deep to bring forth the self-love that got slavery’s descendants to “The 400^th”.

Mrs. Angelou and Meghan Mackle were both touched by the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, which (for) Great Britain was a major pillow and its Crown rest atop the graves it filled with slaves. The attitude that supported that monster – slavery – still lives in the hearts of people who see former enslaved Africans as people they once owned. The world will never change if attitudes remain the same.

 (John Burl Smith began as a black power advocate in 1967 and now works for social change, social justice and other progressive causes. He is the author of the forthcoming book “The 400^th” (1619-2019) From Slavery to Hip Hop.”)

The suspicion that African Americans in Shelby County were being disproportionately hit by the spread of the coronavirus surfaced earlier, with concern mounting as data showed that such was the case in other metropolitan areas. Now there is local data – and confirmation.

The Shelby County Health Department released a demographic breakdown of some confirmed cases on Wednesday.

“Of the 267 cases we examined, 68 percent were African Americans, while 29 percent were white,” said Dr. Bruce Randolph, medical director for the Shelby County Health Department.

As of Wednesday, Shelby County had 897 confirmed cases of coronavirus, with 21 deaths. Fatality percentages were not yet available.

This week, concern about disparity accelerated nationally toward a clamor, with alarms sounded by the Congressional Black Caucus, the NAACP, the National Action Network and others. Dr. Benjamin F. Chavis, president/CEO of the National Newspaper Publishers Association, has declared a “State of Emergency for Black America.”

Those concerns confronted President Trump at Tuesday’s White House coronavirus update, with him alternately saying he was concerned, bewildered and that the results of more analysis were forthcoming.

Locally, activists have been viewing the Health Department’s ZIP code map and sounding alarms from multiple quarters about the fate of residents with historically poor access to healthcare.

“While I can’t attest to what has been happening in other areas around the country, I can say that we are committed to making sure Shelby County provides equitable opportunities for individuals in all geographical areas to be tested,” said Randolph.

The New Tri-State Defender participated in a Tuesday afternoon teleconference hosted by National NAACP President and CEO Derrick Johnson. He  called on elected officials to “ensure we are tested, treated, and protected to prevent further spread…and more loss of life in our communities.”

Late Wednesday afternoon, the City of Memphis-Shelby County COVID-19 Task Force announced that, with the help of several health providers, there would be new and expanded testing sites.

According to the media release, “The goal is test 1,000 people each day in addition to the tests already being performed at our local hospitals.”

Randolph, like other health officials, does not think that the coronavirus pandemic created disparity.

“First, we have to acknowledge that so goes healthcare, so goes economic development, education and every aspect of life,” said Randolph. “Healthcare is a reflection of the system as a whole. There is disparity in outcomes in every facet of our lives. Racism is a given. This is America, and it’s going to be there.”

Putting a finer point on the effects of racism, Randolph said “blacks of means who have insurance and access to good healthcare” have outcomes that tend to be the same as “their uninsured and poor counterparts.”

While inequality in healthcare exists, African Americans must find solutions within, he said.

“We must acknowledge our own responsibility in creating more positive outcomes,” said Randolph. “Dr. Martin Luther King said power is never given by the oppressor. We must struggle for it, work for it and demand it. When you are behind in a race, you must work harder and run faster to get the victory.”

Taking responsibility, he said, means being committed to following directions of personal physicians, adhering to the safety precautions put in place and taking full account of your own, personal health.”

Use must be made of the mitigation strategies put in place to curb the spread of COVID-19,” said Randolph, who has a private practice in preventive, family and occupational medicine.

“Prevent spread in the first place by avoiding crowds of more than 10 people. Stay at home because it is safer at home. Wear a mask every time you go out, and practice thorough and frequent hand-washing,” he said, wearing a mask.

Individual responsibility also involves taking control of diet and exercise, as well as following physicians’ orders in managing chronic conditions, such as heart disease, COPD, diabetes and renal failure, he said, listing obesity and smoking as additional factors.

While chronic illness is prevalent in the African-American community, Randolph said, “We have the ability to improve our own health. The question is, ‘Do we have the will?’”

A more complete demographic breakdown of COVID-19’s devastation in Memphis-Shelby County is projected to be available by Friday.

Below is a list of existing and new testing locations:

• Church Health

Location: 1350 Concourse Ave.

By appointment only, call (901) 272-0003.

• Memphis Health Center

Location: 360 E. H. Crump Blvd.

By appointment only, call (901) 261-2042

• Tri State Community Health Center

Location: 1725 Pinebrook

By appointment only, call (901) 572-1573

• Case Management, Inc.

Location: 3171 Directors Row

By appointment only, call (901) 821-5880 or email COVID-19TestCMI@cmiofmemphis.org

• Christ Community Health Services

Location: 3362 S Third St.

By appointment only, Text “Test2020” to 91999

• UT Drive-Through Testing @ Tiger Lane

Location: Midsouth Fairground

By appointment only, Text “covid” to 901-203-5526

My advice for navigating wedding planning during this unprecedented COVID-19 situation is to take a pause, don’t make any hasty decisions, and really think about what you value most for your wedding.

On March 20, exactly eight months until our destination wedding in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, my fiancé, Lorenzo Herman and I received a notification on our phones that the United States restricted nonessential travel to Mexico.

I was shaken, stunned, flabbergasted.

COVID-19 is affecting our wedding a tad bit differently than the other couples I wrote about.

Luckily, in January I said ‘yes to the dress’ and we had our site visit to Mexico in February.

However, finding bridesmaids gowns and accessories have become a hassle because many retailers in the United States import dresses from China, where the outbreak is said to have started and where many factories have been forced to close.

As a result, bridal stores have been struggling to source garments since the pandemic picked up and the safer-at-home order means that bridal stores, such as David’s Bridal have been ordered to close.

For a bride, groom or wedding planner, the challenge is every day that passes is a day closer to the special day. So, for people to have to sit tight or even try to plan for a pivot in the face of so much uncertainty is especially tricky.

Our wedding venue has temporarily closed, causing communication to be delayed.

“The shutdown of the venue is not ideal, but I understand the measure,” said Herman. “It puts me more at ease knowing that it has been shut down and it gives them time to clean, disinfect and change anything that needs to be changed prior to our wedding day.”

As a result of the coronavirus some of ours friends have been laid off from their jobs and now lack the financial resources to afford to attend our wedding. Many have had to renege.

Herman said, “Because some of our guests have been financially impacted it makes accounting for them difficult, the longer there is a safer-at-home order and things remain closed the longer our guests may not have the funds to afford to be in attendance by November.”

The most important factor right now is taking care of ourselves, our well-being and not putting our loved ones at risk.

We are staying calm and keeping faith that our big day will still happen as planned. There are too many uncertainties right now, and everyone is learning how to handle the situation to the best of their abilities.

Wedding day blues — adjusting to a pandemic

The Tennessee Democratic Party voted to remove a state representative from the party’s primary ballot over allegations that he had Republican donor financing and voted contrary to the party.

Rep. John DeBerry Jr. was removed from the August 2020 primary ballot in a 41-18 vote with two abstentions, news outlets reported. DeBerry has served as a Memphis Democrat for 26 years.

An April 1 complaint challenged DeBerry’s status as a Democrat. The letter accused DeBerry of voting against his caucus’s position and receiving donations from organizations and individuals who typically support only Republican candidates.

“The Tennessee Democratic Party has decided that a 26-year representative that spent 12 years as a committee chairman … is no longer a Democrat. And so, I’m not,” he said.

DeBerry, an ordained Church of Christ minister, said he’s always maintained an anti-abortion position, noting that he’s “never tried to hide” his stance.

He voted in support of a controversial bill banning abortions after a fetal heartbeat could be detected, joining fellow Democratic Reps. John Mark Windle of Livingston and Joe Towns of Memphis in doing so.

DeBerry can appeal the vote. It’s unclear if he will.