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Wednesday, May 29, 2024

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Elderly Man Contest 2020: Why I’m unbothered

First, I can’t take credit for the “elderly man contest” crack.

That’s what John Mulaney called it during last weekend’s opening monologue on “Saturday Night Live.” And I can’t stop laughing because of the accuracy of this.

To be honest, I started to feel some anxiety as Election Day drew nigh. Sunday (Nov. 1) and Monday (Nov. 2) were touch and go.

But by Tuesday, I’d made up my mind that it’s going to be what it is. I shut out social media for the most part and only checked in on the results once or twice.

Then slept like a baby! And not even because of the red wine I had! Because all of the bothered-ness had left the building. I had also settled in for the long haul well before that.

It will take some time for the absentee and mail-in ballots to be counted in some states. So, the party’s not over. And if you know who loses, he will not go quietly. He will most definitely attempt to make a mess and mockery of the whole process.

In fact, he made that clear Wednesday (Nov. 4).

He already has been peppering the talk spaces with his faulty logic and magical, mythical prevaricating.

And really, I am still carrying my cynicism in my purse from 2016. Remember, the polls proclaimed Hillary from the mountaintops. Then all the low-key racists, deniers and people who refused to see what they actually saw came out to the polls and put in work.

The same could very well happen this year, though soft prediction is that mail-in ballots will skew heavily Democratic.

I am so “whatever” about this. Because again…2016.

Let me tell you what I’m not afraid of – keyboard gangstas.

First of all, Memphis is very blue. VERY. Secondly, I highly doubt that the calvary will ride through the streets of Midtown or Downtown setting things ablaze or gunning down black, brown and LGBTQ folks.

That’s ludicrous.

It also has been proven time and again that the vast of majority of these folks are poppin’ off on Al Gore’s Internet and otherwise impotent.

Now, there’s always one or two nutters who follow through, many of whom caught a swift two-piece for their troubles and subsequently “learned today.”

But the truth of the matter is that most racists are cowardly. They only feel emboldened in groups, if they can outnumber or overpower someone. They need to be comfortable.

Discomfort is something they can’t deal with. Meanwhile, Black folks eat discomfort and stress for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and wash it down with iced tea. Next!

I saw on one post folks talking about filling their gas tanks up, stocking up groceries, getting cash out and so on.

I said, “Wait. What? I AM NOT DOING ANY OF THAT!” I wish I could and I wish they would. Come on through my hood. We’ll see.

This is a mind game, people. They’re already winning if they have gotten you shaken with empty words and throwback rhetoric.


The only way I’m feeling shook is if I am surrounded. But I keep my head on the swivel on a normal day, as should everyone. I will go on about my business as usual and so should you.

And, we seem to have forgotten that this is a pandemic! I’m not going much of anywhere anyway. I personally don’t do much by way of errands and such at night either. So, what are y’all even talking about?!

Also, guess what White people? The Second Amendment applies to EVERYONE. I don’t know why they think the only folks with guns are Bubba ‘nem. Just sayin.

Black folks, who are legally registered owners of firearms, are also allowed to protect their homes and families. So, it would be ill-advised to make that move lest you run up on the wrong one. No one wants that.

Most important, for those who are believers you know that not only are you covered by the Second Amendment, you’re covered by the blood.

Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Steel your nerves and your mind, people.

As Kendrick Lamar says, “We gone be aight!” The fight isn’t over no matter who wins. We will still have work to do!


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