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Monday, May 20, 2024

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We Need To Talk About Eric Trump's New Nazi Haircut

Twitter (Andrew Kaczynski), Getty Images/Washington Post, Heinrich Hoffman

This weekend, Eric Trump, the jawline-less son of our tweeter-in-chief debuted a new haircut. The Twitterverse immediately recognized the style from Richard Spencer and historic photos of Adolph Hitler, the German Chancellor known for his Third Reich sleep-away camps (or—as White House spokesman Sean Spicer rebranded them—”Holocaust centers”).

Although the controversy is larger than Black Twitter, or social media in general, there are a few questions about this new ‘do that Black America needs to answer:


Could this possibly be a mistake? One of the most devastating times a human being (man or woman) ever faces in life is the week immediately after someone gives you a fucked-up haircut. It’s why men will hand the keys over for a $100,000 car over to a valet they’ve never met before just because they’re wearing an orange plastic vest, but need an FBI-level background check and three references before they will even hold a conversation with a barber. It’s why women will put the Miss Celie two-finger curse on any hairdresser who chops off too much of their coiff.

I believe 43% of sick days are taken by employees who recently got a messed-up haircut. Maybe Eric switched barbers and they assumed he wanted the whitest haircut possible. Maybe he mistakenly went to a Muslim barber and the barber enacted a class-action revenge for his people. You never know


Does this haircut have a name? I’ve never been to a Caucasian barber shop (I tend not to trust white people standing behind me with sharp implements) but I know Black people name their hairstyles. I don’t believe that the height of fame is winning an Oscar or being on the cover of Vogue. The most famous people in the world have hairstyles named after them. Every hairdresser knows what a Halle Berry is supposed to look like. When I was a teenager I had a Gumby, while the default men’s hairstyle in Black America is the Low Ceaser (named after Junior Mafia’s Lil’ Cease, I think).


Is this the Adolph Shitler? Did E. Treezy walk into Supercuts and ask for the Alt-Reich #5? Is this called a Low Beiber? Do wypipo barber shops have the haircut poster on the wall with Nazis, KKK members, Richard Spencer and various other douchebag styles?

Have we seen this haircut before? We know that Richard Spencer the man who created the term “alt right” made this haircut famous, but I think I’ve seen this haircut before. Maybe he wasn’t going for a Hitler look. Remember when Willow Smith sported this same hairstyle? How do we know Eric wasn’t a big fan of Fantasia back in her American Idol days when she wore the same haircut? Maybe he’s an old school hip hop fan and this is an homage to Salt and/or Pepa.

Getty Images/Michael Ochs

If so, is this considered cultural appropriation?


Are there any other white supremacist styles we need to know about? I thought all white kids had to wear this haircut until they turned eight, and now I find out this is a white nationalist thing! I know neo-Nazis wear black Fred Perry shirts with yellow stripes and Doc Marten boots with white or red laces. Are there other secret wypipo styles? Do crocs signify something? Is there a hidden message embedded in camouflage baseball caps? Do white women in sundresses and cowboy boots mean anything to the white supremacist community? Is the man-bun symbolic of something nefarious?

Eric Trump’s haircut has raised all of these questions (in conjunction with his actual affinity for white supremacists). Perhaps his new hairdo is indicative of all the other fascists who have come out of the closet since Trump became president. Maybe it isn’t a white supremacist thing at all, but I will never believe it. E.T. simply needs to know that we will forever treat him and his father like they gave Black America a bad haircut.

Until you do right by us, everything you do is gonna crumble.

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