By Alma Gill, NNPA News
Dear Alma,
My Dad and my
Stepmom have been
together for over
20 years. They both
have and always
did drink way too
much. I’d even say
both are alcoholics.
Recently my Dad
was hospitalized and
obviously told he has
to stop drinking. My
Stepmom says that’s his problem,
not hers. How do I get her to see
what she’s doing is wrong and how
can I stop her from drinking in
front of my Dad? My Dad won’t stop
drinking if she keeps providing it.
C.K., Alexandria, Va.
Dear C.K.:
This is a tough situation and I
sympathize with the position you’re
in. That still, however, doesn’t
remove the fact that your Dad has
an addiction that he’s “large and in-
charge” of. Let’s pause here and
give you a minute to understand and
resonate, this is your Dad’s burden to
bear.
Allow me a minute and address the
consideration and compassion this
deserves. I say this as respectfully
as I can muster – you can’t give up
crack living next door to the crack
house. You feel me? Offer your Dad
resources to finding a local Alcoholics
Anonymous meeting. He has to take
the first step. Once associated, I’m
sure they’ll direct him on what his
next step should be. Remind your
father that facing his addiction is a
sign of strength. Let him know you’ll
support him unconditionally. After
taking hold of his responsibility, your
Dad will decide what to do about your
stepmom. That, too, is his choice not
yours. I’ll be praying for your Dad,
you and your family.
Dear Alma,
Around six months ago, I started
to see clues that something was going
on with my husband. I started going
through his wallet and cell phone
because I thought
he was having an
affair. I was right. I
almost fainted when I
found a phone in the
trunk of the car with
pictures of him and
another woman. All
of the calls were to the
same number, which
made me believe it
was her number. I hit
the button and she
answered the phone.
When she said hello,
I hung up. I put the
phone back and didn’t
tell him. I love him and am trying
to keep my marriage. He hasn’t said
anything about my phone call. Do
you think I should mention it? My
ego is just about gone and all I want
to do is stay in bed. I wish I had not
looked in the trunk. I do not know
if I should stay or go or why I’m
confused on what to do.
Name withheld, Durham, N.C.
Dear Reader,
You’re not confused sweetheart,
you’re heartbroken. You’re dejected,
sad and depressed. Your husband is
having an affair and you don’t want
to confront him because you’re
scared he might leave you. Let that
truth simmer for a minute, then drop
it. If not addressing it is an option,
learn to live with it. My question to
you is, why did you go searching
for what you weren’t ready to find?
Should you mention it, you asked.
Really? If you need me to answer you
Sweetie, continue to entertain that
rubber ducky in your dirty bath water.
Email me back when you’re ready to
pull the plug and do something about
it. Let me know when you’re ready
to clean up your mess, redress your
problems and restore your self-worth.
That’s when I’ll have amazing, life
affirming advice to share. Honestly,
if I took the time to answer you, you
wouldn’t hear me. Cause truth-be-
told, right now, on this day, you love
him more than you love yourself.
(Alma Gill’s newsroom experience
spans more than 25 years. Email
questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.
com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask
Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.)
