In a new video called “Footnotes for ‘4:44’,” JAY-Z  openly admitted that his relationship with wife Beyoncé was something that he had to fight for when it started “cracking.”

“This is my real life. I just ran into this place and we built this big, beautiful mansion of a relationship that wasn’t totally built on the 100 percent truth and it starts cracking. Things start happening that the public can see,” JAY-Z said during the exclusive Tidal video , which is 11 minutes long.

“Then we had to get to a point of, ‘Okay, tear this down and let’s start from the beginning … It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” he added.

He also shared the story of how he had to beg Beyoncé to stay during a vacation, recalling his thoughts at the time: “What is happening to my body right now? Did I just say … ‘Don’t leave’? All this is new for me.”

The video provides footnotes for the song “4:44” on his album of the same title. In that song, he references his own mistakes in his marriage, rapping, “And if my children knew, I don’t even know what I would do /If they ain’t look at me the same, I would probably die with all the shame /You did what with who? What good is a ménage à trois when you have a soulmate, you risked that for Blue?”

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