Gobs of half-literate, thick-tongued troglodytes will convene in Shelbyville and Murfreesboro, Tenn., on Saturday to fight for the rights of the great, marginalized white race.
What: The residents of Shelbyville are bracing themselves for another Racistpalooza held by two groups—including one of the most prominent organizations from Charlottesville, Va.’s “Unite the Right” rally, which produced one death. This one will be called “White Lives Matter” because … you know white people steal.
Who: Officially sponsored by a conglomerate consisting of various hate groups, the “White Lives Matter” rally is a joint effort from the National Socialist Movement (a neo-Nazi group), the League of the South (racial separatists who want their own white country), Vanguard America (the people who supplied the tiki torches in Charlottesville) and the Traditionalist Workers Party (an ethnic-cleansing mix of the two). All three groups participated in the Charlottesville rally and got the bright idea to hold their own in Shelbyville and Murfreesboro on Saturday.
An invitation has been extended to such luminaries as Richard Spencer and Satan. There is no word on whether Richard Spencer will show up, but Satan has declined.
“I’m not that racist,” a spokesperson for the devil said in a statement issued from hell’s public-relations department.
Where: Shelbyville is a small town near the border of Tennessee and Alabama. Murfreesboro is a suburb of Nashville. Shelbyville’s population is about 20,000, while the population of Murfreesboro stands at 131,000.
According to New York Magazine, the groups chose the two communities because of the changing demographics in the towns. Several hundred Somali refugees have resettled in Shelbyville. The Office of Refugee Resettlement has settled Somalis there to work at a local poultry plant.
Murfreesboro’s Muslim community has also grown. Before the 2012 opening of a Murfreesboro mosque, anti-Muslim groups fervently protested the building of the center. The city also does not require permits for rallies that are contained to the sidewalk, which White Lives Matter has promised to do.
When: The rallies begin promptly at 10 a.m. in Shelbyville. White ladies get in free before noon. Then the demonstrations move to Murfreesboro, where they will gather on the courthouse square from 1 to 4 p.m. While no one has planned an official pre-party, the tiki-torch sections of nearby Walmarts are curiously empty.
Why: Because hate. Because there are some white people who actually feel they are marginalized. Because white people can do whatever they want. Because they want attention. Because white people are fragile. Because the president said it was cool. Because “both sides.” Because Jesus told them. Because black people are belligerent. Because the flag should be respected. Because the anthem shouldn’t be mocked. Because America needs to be great again. Because—if you’re white—apparently, America isn’t that great.
Because … America.
Read more at New York Magazine.